I have something to tell you
by The Purple Warlock
Summary: What happens between Michael Wayland and Robert Lightwood when feelings get involved in places that they shouldn't.
1. Chapter 1

**I have myself thinking a lot about the relationship between Michael Wayland and Robert Lightwood. As there isn't much fanfiction about the pair that i could find, I decided to write my own, so I hope you people like it. I have a few ideas on where I am going to take this, but if anyone has any requests let me know. It would also be nice to know what people think of the story, but you don't have to review if you don't want to!**

 **I own nothing but the plot.**

The Shadowhunter world was full of rules and expectations. It was hard at the best of times to know if you were going the right thing or not. If that wasn't hard enough, being Parabatai with another with another Shadowhunter had even more rules and expectations attached. One of the biggest rules attached to being Parabatai was that you could not, under any circumstances fall in love with your parabatai. Add this to the fact homosexuality was looked down upon and had a lot of stigma attached, then you had a problem, should you find yourself developing romantic feelings for your parabatai. A problem Michael Wayland found himself facing. He hadn't realised he was attracted to guys until he found himself falling in love with non-other than Robert Lightwood: the one Shadowhunter he defiantly should not be in love with. Why? The pair were parabatai, and part of Valentine Morgenstern's 'circle' so a relationship between the pair simply would not have been able to develop.

Realising his dilemma, Michael decided to do what he thought most people would do in his situation and attempt to supress his feelings, potentially even develop feelings for another person. This may have worked for anyone else, but for Michael it didn't. Given how much time he spent in Robert's company, and given how many times he had seen him without his shirt on (for the application of runes) he found himself falling more and more for Robert, until one day he finally admitted he was in love with him. This presented a new problem for the Shadowhunter: how to deal with the fact he was in love with someone he wasn't meant to be in love with. The worst but was that he had to deal with this alone. Admitting you were gay, and found out by falling in love with your parabatai wasn't the sort of thing you did.

Now really struggling to deal with his emotions, Michael slowly became slightly detached from Robert, which unsurprisingly didn't go unnoticed. After having a training session, with Michael being very distracted, Robert decided that enough was enough and took Michael outside for a private word. Deciding not to waste time with small talk, Robert just got straight into it. "What's gotten into you?" he asked, folding his arms and staring at his parabatai, who had suddenly taken an interest in his shoes. "I don't know what you mean" he replied, still staring at the floor. Robert rolled his eyes. This wasn't going to be as straight forward as he would have wanted. "I think you do know what I mean. You've been acting odd for days. We're parabatai but just recently you've been trying to distance yourself from me and have been acting peculiar, so I'll repeat my original question: what's gotten into you?"

Michael looked up then, and there were tears in his eyes. "I've been trying to stop it, I really have. I want to tell you and it's killing me that I can't. There's nothing you can do about it, I have to do this alone" he said, which confused Robert. Parabatai were supposed to help each other out when one of them was in difficulty. What was so bad that Michael seemed to think he needed to do it alone? After his outburst, Michael had turned away and was about to leave when Robert grabbed his arm, making him turn back to stay with him. "Please Michael. You hurt, I hurt remember? Let me help you" he begged. It pained him to see him in so much pain. Michael seemed to realise that Robert was not prepared at all to let the matter drop. Taking a deep breath, he looked him in the eye and said "I am in love with you. Raziel knows I've been trying to stop it but it's been getting stronger rather than go away" he said.

Robert just blinked a few times before responding. "You're in love with me?" he found himself asking, not fully sure he had heard the words correctly. "Yes. Robert I'm so sorry" Michael whispered, and it was only then Robert realised just how much pain his parabatai was in. Roberts's brain seemed to have forgotten how to function and before he knew it, he had cupped Michaels face and kissed him. After a moment's hesitation Michael was kissing him back. He had imagined doing this a number of times, but this was not how he had imagined it to happen. His hands seem to have placed themselves on Roberts's waist. After what seemed like an eternity, they broke the kiss, took a step away from each other and just stared at each other, trying to process what had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this is a really short chapter that has taken a really long time to be written. Hope people like it.**

 **If there is anything people liked/didn't like or want to see in future chapters let me know in the reviews!**

 **I own nothing but the plot.**

Despite their silence only lasting less than a minute, it felt like an eternity. It was Robert that spoke first "you really do love me huh?" causing Michael to blush like a tomato, but managed to keep his head up, looking him in the eye. "Is it really that obvious?" he asked. Robert gave a slight smile then "just a little bit" which was then followed by another awkward silence. "Would you mind if I kissed you again?" Robert asked, and for an answer Michael locked his lips with Robert, any earlier awkwardness suddenly gone. This kiss was deeper and longer than the first one. Michael found that he had fireworks going off in his head. He had wanted this for so long, and wasn't prepared to let the opportunity go to waste. If nothing happened as a result of tonight, he could say he gave it everything he had. His tongue lightly touched Robert's bottom lip, asking, no begging for entrance, which Robert gave. Like with their training, the parabatai's tongues battled for dominance. Eventually they broke for air. Panting slightly it was Michael that spoke "We should probably head back before anyone notices we're gone" he said, which they did.

They both shared a room together, which resulted in both Michael and Robert lying awake, but trying to convince the other person that they had fallen asleep. Michael was just trying to work out what had happened. The man he had fallen in love with knew he had fallen in love with him and had kissed him. He knew they couldn't continue but he so desperately wanted to. He kept thinking of everything he knew about parabatai and thinking of any loopholes that would allow him to be with Robert. Even if there were, Valentine would never allow it and would (if he was in a good mood) just kick them out the Circle never to return. But this was Valentine so was unlikely to happen, so if he did find out they would both suffer terribly and Michael knew he couldn't do that to Robert. Add that to the prejudice and hate they would suffer from other Shadowhunters, which meant no one could know about it. Ever.

Robert on the other hand couldn't believe he had just kissed his parabatai Michael Wayland twice and had sort of liked it. He was till however trying to work out just how he really felt about the whole situation. He knew he shouldn't like it at all. It broke all kinds of rules and expectations and would never last. It just couldn't. He had kissed girls but he hadn't had a kiss like the one he had just had. He had known for a while something had been bothering Michael for a while, he had just not expected a declaration of love. Michael had been in so much emotional pain when he had admitted the truth. They had both known this couldn't, shouldn't happen but Robert had a feeling neither of them were going to let it go just yet. The consequences of having a homosexual relationship with your parabatai were ridiculously harsh, and, despite whatever feelings he may or may not be developing for Michael Wayland, Robert Lightwood knew that he wasn't prepared to face them, even if it did mean breaking Michael's heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'd like to start this chapter by saying Robert's views on homosexuality are based on how he views the topic in the books. I do not share his views at all.**

 **Anyway, onto the third and final chapter.**

 **I own nothing but the plot.**

As neither Robert nor Michael really knew or understood what was going on between them, things continued in secret, a stolen kiss when they were alone, their gaze lasting a bit too long, fingers lightly brushing each other when they both reached for something. It was wrong, they shouldn't want it but by the angel did they wish this was not the case. These feelings were particularly felt by Michael, who had been in love with Robert for so long it hurt. Robert knew this, and as much as he didn't want to hurt his parabatai he knew that he would have to be the one to end whatever was unfolding between the pair, as Michael had been far too emotionally involved for far too long. He hated himself for having to do it, but he knew that it was something he needed to do.

Robert wasn't sure which part would be the hardest part: working out just how he was going to break Michael's heart, or actually breaking it. It was Valentine who finally gave him the idea, by asking why he hadn't taken advantage of the constant advances and flirtations of Maryse Trueblood and if he was going to do something, to do it quickly as her pinning after him was "getting on his nerves" so Robert needed to end it, either by dating her or telling her he had no interest in her. It was then Robert really started noticing Maryse, as in properly noticing her. She had been, when she had joined the circle short, useless and somewhat on the unattractive side, but she had put the hours and effort into her training, and had hit puberty hard, meaning she was a very attractive fighter.

The more time Robert spent with Maryse, the more his feelings for her grew, and his feelings for Michael disappeared. He could see the pain he was causing his parabatai clearly on Michael's face, and at the start he initially felt bad for being the one to have caused him such hurt, but soon even the feelings of guilt disappeared, turning to disgust. Men shouldn't have those sort of feelings for each other? What was Michael thinking when he had developed them and why had he tried to turn him gay by seducing him? His own parabatai? Before officially starting his relationship with Maryse, Robert decided he needed to talk to Michael about the matter in private.

Taking Michael into a small room, Robert decided to just get to the point, rather than mess around with pleasantries. "What happened between us was a mistake, a sick mistake. Parabatai can't fall in love it's against the law. And as for the fact we're both guys? It's just sick Michael and it has to end here. It shouldn't have started and the best way forward is to just pretend it never happened" Robert spat. If Michael's internal pain had been bad before, it was so much worse now. It have gone from being internal pain to internal agony. Robert, at times, seemed to forget that there was always a nice way, and a nasty way to say something, and by being nasty he had broken Michael's heart.

Michael just stared at Robert, not being able to understand what he was hearing. "You don't mean that Robert. Are you seriously telling me that everything that happened between us honestly meant nothing to you?" he asked feeling sick. Robert nodded "That's exactly what I'm saying. It's disgusting. Nothing you do or say will make me change my mind. We are done. So done in fact I've already moved on" Robert said simply. Michael found himself holding back tears "with who?" he blurted out. Robert replied with "Maryse" and turned on his heal and left, leaving Michael feeling the loneliest he had ever in his entire life.


End file.
